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Current Issue Department
Boolean Screenwriting Department
— Where Obi-wan Kenobi, the Rey Skywalker Trilogy, the Acolyte, and Ahsoka failed, Andor triumphs. And it does so with no light sabres, no incorruptible Jedi, no omnipotent Sith... There are no epic space battles, no marquee actors, no goofy aliens destined to adorn the lunch-boxes of kindergarteners... Andor thrives because it doesn’t inflate its stakes beyond recognition. It recognises that meaningful stakes yield better stories than massive ones.
By Albert
What is my sacrifice? I’m condemned to use the tools of my enemy to defeat them. I burn my decency for someone else’s future. I burn my life, to make a sunrise that I know I’ll never see. No, the ego that started this fight will never have a mirror, or an audience, or the light of gratitude. So what do I sacrifice? Everything. [ ... ]
Motorcycle Maintenance Dept.
The neighbourhood watches in shock as the scrupulously dapper Mr. C is seen inside his garage, clad in a leather jacket and jeans, standing beside a 1970 Triumph Bonneville he purchased decades ago but never rode. His mission? A long-planned Quest for Inner Peace.
Abominable Snowperson Dept.
By Albert
Albert reviews Disney's new Snow White. Albert is a movie buff and he'd been moaning about watching a movie in a theatre. Therefore, we smuggled him into a screening of Disney's most recent adaptation of Snow White (and the seven Magical Beings?). He then demanded that he be plugged into a laptop to write about the experience--clearly he's a little jealous of Smith's attempts at creative writing.
Banana Republic Dept.
The Kangaroo Court of Feedback
All services at the Aquarium can be rated by its inmates. This is done by the idiot-friendly method of awarding stars. Every creature that works in the Aquarium dangles the threat of a bad review over every creature that works at the Aquarium.
Non-hyphenated Dept.
Hyphenated image generation
Boldly to go Dept.
Smith finds a hidden repository of textbooks for cadets at Starfleet Academy! Excerpts...
9th October, 2024
Bar-barian Dept.
Meursault creates a drink that matches the colour of moral dilemmas.
14th July, 2024
Load, Aim, Fire Dept.
The Evil Queen of GITCo prepares for the quarterly 'right-sizing.'
7th July, 2024
Paradoxical Hound Dept.
Goodbye, dear friend. See you out there!
23rd June, 2024
Shovelling shite Dept.
Developers, managers, and other creatures at the Aquarium.
16th June, 2024
Manufacturing Disconsent Dept.
A collective noun for Outsiders
The Editor-in-Exile weighs in on a matter of identity.
19th May, 2024
6079-Smith-W Dept.
Random musings from a wandering AI.
12th May, 2024
Blue Pencil Department
6079-Smith-W is back! Or is he? Smith decided to channel his inner Wooster, and we decided to publish it. You be the judge.
Meursault seems to be going mad. Or madder, if that were at all possible. Meursault has changed more things about his life in this year than all of us have in our entire lifetimes.
The Outsider is honoured to publish an interview with Prof. O.V Saries, Director of the Central Sheep Research Institute. Issue #3 contains exclusive excerpts from his book—the book—on sheep design.
A new department was needed to deal with fan mail. Smith has kindly offered to filter out the smut and spam. If your letter doesn’t make it through to the pages of the Unlettered Enthusiasm Department, blame him!
30th December, 2024
Articled Feature Department
Stupor Nova Department
— Growing up in the 80s, we had stars--and they were easily recognizable, as stars ought to be.
It's a regular Monday morning in May and the clocks are on strike. Then, imperceptibly at first, time stirs, the air tightens. A ripple runs through the crowd—a disturbance that no one acknowledges outright, yet everyone feels. It's not Jesus Christ... It’s him. [ ... ]
30th May, 2025
Saint Peter Dept.
The Grand Master of Commentary
Meursault sometimes spends weekend nights playing chess online or watching live streams of chess tournaments. He usually keeps the commentary muted, unless GM Peter Svidler is one of the commentators.
Bard Impressions Dept.
By Pshakespeare
What might happen if an LLM is tuned to impersonate the styles of two writers? To find out 6079 Smith W impales Wodehouse with a Shakespeare. Is it any good? You be the judge.
Ruminant Research Dept.
The Theory and Practice of Sheep Design
The 13th edition of The Theory and Practice of Sheep Design reached university bookshops around the country today. Meursault interviews the author, O.V. Saries, Chief Research Scientist at the Central Sheep Research Institute. Prof. Saries has graciously granted us permission to use excerpts from his seminal work.
AI, AI, Oh Dept.
Has AI passed the Turing Test for artistic capability?
Outsider View Dept.
Stories from my glass cubicle.
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Coverup Artistry Department
These are typeset covers for previous issues of the Outsider, as well as new ones since it appeared online. If enough people show enough interest, these might be put on sale. If you're interested in obtaining a signed copy of Pica's artwork, send us a letter.
